I'm Crazy
by wandertogondor
Summary: In the mental hospital, Holden Caulfield meets a certain girl with a volatile disposition. And despite this, he starts to grow up and let go and might find himself in love. Holden/OC. Complete.
1. Going off the Rails of the Crazy Train

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.  
Marcus Aurelius

"What's your name?"

"Holden Caulfield. What's yours?"

"It's not as good a name as Holden." He stared at me, making me replace my own smile with a straight face. "You're a tough crowd Caulfield. You ever wonder what raw human flesh feels like, Caulfield? Dead flesh: cold and yet, oh, so warm."

"You murdered someone?" His question was understandable enough but his voice was filled with disgust and powerful judgment, not sympathy.

"He told me to…he wanted to die and I just helped him along. So don't you dare judge me, you rotten sonovabitch!" By now I was shouting at him. Two nurses held my arms back while another pressed the pressure point on my neck till I stopped.

"Watch yourself, Livinia. You don't want to be in cuffs again do you?"

"Get off of me!" I snarled, twisting my arms out of their grasps and rebelliously glaring at the nurses until they had gone. "You from New York?"

"Your name is Livinia?"

"No, he just called me that for kicks. Answer the goddamn question, Caulfield." I sat back down into the chairs, menacingly meeting the eyes of the onlookers who clapped at my exceptional performance. They were all as bonkers as Caulfield here.

"Alright, no need to get sore."

"I ain't sore!" I hissed in irritation, thinking of different exotic ways to kill this schmuck.

"His daddy's a lawyer." Ms. Judy Turner leaned back, knitting needles and all, and said. I turned to Caulfield a wry grin plastered against my face, hoping to rile him up.

"Is that right? Big shot, huh?"

"No,"

"I could swear I still saw momma's milk on your mouth." He grit his teeth, making that handsome jaw look sharper than ever, and furrowed his eyebrows between his eyes in anger.

"I need a smoke."

"Smoker, huh?" I handed him a cigarette, conveniently forgetting that I had pocketed it from Doctor Perkins' desk. Caulfield stared at it, making sure I held it out long enough so he could snatch it. I held out a lighter as he stuck the rolled paper in between his lips.

"This pretty girl pretends to love men and then steals their money." Ms. Judy helpfully put in with an innocent smile.

"Thank you, Ms. Judy. Ah, waiter," I flagged down the closest nurse. "Ms. Judy needs her needles confiscated. Shame on you, you know better than giving her sharp things."

"Come on, Ms. Judy," The nurse helped the old woman to her feet, prying the knitting needles out of her hands and leading her to her room. I waved after Ms. Judy, eventually turning back to Caulfield who was smoking and staring intently at me.

"Oi, take a picture, it'll last longer, you wanker."

"Let me get this straight. You are a gold digging murderer who has a trouble with her temper." I shrugged.

"Please, don't act so surprised. Might I just be the first one to welcome you to the real world? Things like me happen. It's all part of the hierarchy. Not everyone's been fed with a silver spoon, mind you." I took the cigarette from his fingers and took a few puffs feeling terribly suave.

"Kingsley!" Perkins barked snatching the cigarette and snuffing it out with the soles of his shoe. "You know better than smoking in the recreation room! You asked for the cuffs. Let's go." I stood nonchalantly.

"Why don't you just shut me in a dark room with a candle, Perkins? Saves us both the time."

"But that isn't fun, is it Kingsley?"  
"I'll see you around, Caulfield. Don't miss me too much." I nodded at Holden smiling.


	2. I'll See You When I Fall Asleep

"His teachers were always writing letters to my mother, telling her what a pleasure it was having a boy like Allie in their class. He was two years younger than I was but he was terrifically intelligent." I rubbed my wrists, earnestly listening to what Caulfield had to say about his dead brother. He just wouldn't shut up about Allie.

"Well, isn't that grand!" I exclaimed sarcastically. Caulfield's face twisted unpleasantly. "What is it, handsome?"

"Stop teasing me." I smiled, amused at his irritation, and let the stub of a pencil roll down the metal table and off the edge while catching it in midair.

"Got a smoke?" That goofy kid stared at me like I was insane but started handing me a cigarette nonetheless. "Oh, it's not for me. You smoke it, Caulfield. I love watching you take a drag on a smoke. It's simply grand." Before I could finish he was up and walking off. "Oh, now you've gone and disappointed me, dearest." I put a hand on his shoulder and pulled him back.

"You're not a phony, Livinia. You are a beautiful, intellectual being. You're not a phony." I should have braced myself because phonies where everywhere with Holden Caulfield. Suddenly, I socked him right in his jewels.

"Did you just call me beautiful, you stupid blighter?"

"I'm sorry, Livinia! I'm sorry."

"You better be, Caulfield." I snarled into his face, in a split second I smiled. "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to have vexed you." I shoved him playfully. He was the only one I had here so I figured I might as well try to be compatible.

"Do you mean it Livinia?"

"Sure Caulfield," I moodily looked up at him.

"Let's just go sit back down." He nudged me back to our table, making sure my ass was bolted on the hard, metal chair before sitting down himself. I leaned halfway across the table, all of a sudden interested in his hard luck stories.

"You Catholic, Caulfield?" He tightened his jaw and, I swear, his breathing stopped altogether.

"No," He muttered with strained patience. "No, Livinia, I am not Catholic. Are you?"

"Funny, only a Catholic would ask it someone else is Catholic." Caulfield was so upset he nearly sprinted out of the recreation room and toward the stairs to the roof. I took my own sweet time, throwing a word or two at the male nurses. A large hand clamped against my arm.

"Kingsley!" I jumped and turned to see Perkins grinning away, clearly satisfied that he made me jump half way to the moon.

"Why'd you gotta scare me like that Perkins, you jackass?"

"Watch your mouth, Kingsley. Your mother's here to see you."

"Oh joy," I muttered. Perkins just clapped my shoulder and laughed goodheartedly. Damn, that killed me. What the hell'd he have to laugh about?

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**Please tell me what you think. I know it was short but I like to go scene by scene :)**


	3. Crazy Little Thing Called Love

"Hi lady." I slid roughly into the cold booth staring at the small, frail woman sitting before me clutching her purse.

"Don't call me lady. I'm your mother."

"Yeah, whatever lady." My beautiful mother dropped her head. "Oh, come on now mama. I meant nothing by it. You know I love you." She didn't answer; she just covered her ugly sobs with her gloved hand.

"And I love you, Livinia." Then it struck me like hot coal being dumped on my head.

"Daddy beat you didn't he? That dirty, rotten, filthy, stinkin' son of a bitch!" My mother's head snapped up in anger.

"Don't you dare call your father that Livinia Persephone Kingsley! You shut your mouth!" I stormed out of the visitor's room and into the hallway, pacing angrily.

"Are you alright?" I spun around to see Caulfield leaning against the wall. I was so angry I started to cry. He cautiously came towards me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders slowly. I clutched a handful of his white shirt, burying my face in his chest. What are you doing stupid?

"I'm sorry Holden." I pulled away from him, embarrassment reddening my pale cheek. I rubbed away my tears.

"Hey, smile for me, won't you?" That killed me! He was one in a million, this Caulfield character. I barely knew the guy and he was already bossing me around. Despite his aggravating advances I managed to grant him a small smile before walking back into the visitor's room.

"Oi, where's my ma Rogers?" I asked the security guard who stood on duty.

"She left after you took off."

"Damn!" I slammed my fist against the stone wall, feeling bones cracking gently. "Fuck!"

"You kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"I would, Rogers, if she was still fucking here!" I took deep breaths. "Tell Perkins that I'll be trashin' my room, would ya?"

"I'll tell 'im."

"You're a dime, Rogers." I walked back into the hall, hoping Caulfield would still be there. He wasn't.

My room was totally ransacked by the time Perkins came around, looking bored as usual.

"Oh, what've you done now?"

"I hate her! I hate him! I hate them all!" I threw the cot over, frantically tossing it about. Perkins lost no time securing my arms to the side.

"What your old man do this time?"

"He hit her! That sonovabitch hit my mother."

"There's nothing you can do now, yeah?" His voice was a bit damp. He always got upset when my father hit my mother. I struggled with his strong grip. "Caulfield's out there waiting for you. So, get yourself together." I nodded. Perkins let me free slowly, ready for any sudden jolts. "Get that hand patch up by the doc." As he left Holden came in, a red hat in his hands.

"What do _you _want?" I asked curtly.

"I came to give you this. It's gonna be cold soon, so…" I snatched the hunting hat from his hands, observing the authenticity.

"It's only July, Caulfield."

"Here," He slid the hat on my head, ignoring my comment, and wheeled me in front of the mirror, which hadn't broken this time around.

"Caulfield," I began. "I look like an idiot."

"So, you like it then?" I pulled the hat off and glared at him. He stood as innocent as can be, a smile creeping up on his lips.

"Get outta here, Caulfield."

"Wait, Livinia," I immediately noted that he was too close for my liking. "Liv…"

"Well, what is it?" He kissed the back of my hand before sprinting out of the room. "You're a dead man, Caulfield!" I threw his hunting hat into the halls and collapsed right there on the floor, face-palming the dirty tiles. The hat looked so bright against the white-washed walls. It wasn't all that bad, it kept my ears warm. I groaned, forcing myself to get up on my lazy ass and retrieve the red hat. I put it on again, smelling Caulfield. That made me smile.

I skulked back into the recreation room, noisily throwing back the chair. Holden looked up, clearly pleased, smiling at my outlandish get up.

"Quit smiling and deal the damn cards, would ya?"

"What do you want to play?" He asked, bridging the deck of cards.

"Shithead."

"Did you just call me a shithead?"

"It's the game, Caulfield."

"The game's to call the other person a shithead?" I saw past his guise. I tried to control my wonderful irritation.

"You are a shithead, Holden." I dealt the cards out myself, staring at his dancing eyes once I was done.

"You look sweet in that hat…kinda innocent."

"Yeah? And you still look like a shithead. So, I'd call us both even. Now play your damn cards, yeah?"

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Please review...Holden doesn't like phonies who don't review :)


	4. Crazy in Love

She was one helluva girl—that Livinia. She wasn't a dopey girl but she sure as hell wasn't as hot as that blonde back at the Lavender Room. I'd forgotten her name…Betty? Bernice? Ah, the hell with it! I looked back at Liv…sitting there all vexed and so damn charming. She pushed her hat higher on her forehead, making herself look like a whack job. I smiled because she looked so angry, but, I figured, I mostly smiled because she was so amusing. The funny thing about Livinia was that I would try dropping some suave move on her and she'd just glare at me with her beautiful sea green eyes and say something that my mother would never approve of. She wasn't a phony like Perkins, no, Liv was as genuine as normal people get these days. She didn't give a damn what people thought. I liked that about her. I respected that about her. She reminded me of Jane. Speaking of ol' Jane, I should call her sometime.

"You still with me Caulfield?" Liv stared at me with wide, annoyed eyes. I nodded, not exactly realizing where I was. Livinia snapped her fingers near my face. "Hey, Caulfield, snap out of it."

"What is it?"

"It's your move."

"You have nice eyes." What a dopey thing for me to say. I kicked myself. Then I figured, I was telling the truth right? I guess I was so hungry for sex that I'd resorted to this. Livinia did have a lot of sex appeal when I thought of it.

"Save your flattery for someone who gives a shit, Caulfield." That killed me. She was so goddamn attractive. I kinda wanted to give her a quick feel under the table but I somehow managed to control myself. I finally looked down at the chess board.

"My queen takes your queen then your king's in checkmate." I was just messing with her but, boy, did she hit the ceiling. What really killed me was that her eyebrows furrowed between her eyes and she popped her jaw. I knew I was in deep shit. I tried apologizing like a madman but she picked up her chair and hurled in against the wall. I was half in love with her by the time Perkins escorted her to her room. When she was gone I realized just how goddamn lonely I was. I fumbled about the building trying to find something to do. The hell with it, I figured.


	5. She Drives Me Crazy

I groaned, leaning back into the pillow, trying to squirm out of the plastic cuffs that cut at my wrists. I hated it when I lost…and who the hell wouldn't? My cell looked so bare and boring all of a sudden. I wondered what Caulf—Holden was up to. I thoroughly enjoyed his bland, pessimistic company. I guess I felt sorry for the bastard. I was so sleepy. I managed to get comfortable and had just started dozing off when I heard a tap on my door. I rolled over to see a slip of paper fly from under the door. I stumbled to pick it up. A small apology was scrawled on it from Caulfield. Then, on the bottom was a confession and hopefully a will.

"'P.S.," It read. "'Your queen took my queen and you got my king in check mate…'" I growled, crumpling the note in anger. Oh, I was going to kill him.

The cuffs were gone the next morning, leaving purple and black welts in their wake. I pulled on that damned red hat before walking out into the chilly hallway.

"Top of the mornin' to ya, Vincent." That old kook just walked past me, his newspapers tucked underneath his arm. "Oh, well good morning to you too Livinia. Did you sleep well? Oh no, Vincent. I had a terrible sleep. See, I know this one bastard who made me mad and I slept in cuffs…again."

"Who're you talking to?" Holden asked, looking suave as hell there, leaning against the wall, a small, lazy smile brightening his face.

"You bastard," I snarled. "I haven't had a proper night's sleep because of you. I'm gonna kill you, Caulfield."

"Not today you're not." He held up a Hershey bar.

"How'd you—where'd the hell did you land that, Caulfield?!"

"Say you forgive me and I'll tell you."

"You stole it." I declared, walking past him toward the recreation room. Holden chased after me.

"So, you forgive me then?"

"Not a chance, Caulfield." He pulled the hat off my head, holding it high enough so I couldn't grab it.

"Say you forgive me, Liv."

"I'm cold, Caulfield." I failed to retrieve it, deciding to stand my ground I glared at him.

"Say you forgive me."

"What if I don't?"

"Then you'll freeze to death." I put my hands on my hips.

"I'll take my chances." Then, I began walking down the hall again.

"You're no fun at all." Holden sighed, shoving the hat on my head and falling into my brisk march. Suddenly he pulled me into the broom closet, pulling the lamp switch. The air smelt of raw ammonia and bleach.

"What're you doing now?" I groaned, trying to find something solid to lean on.

"I'm trying to make you smile…now hush." He broke off four squares of chocolate and split it between the two of us.

"I don't like chocolate."

"Now, you're just being difficult on purpose." I smirked, taking small, careful bites of the smooth cocoa. "See, that wasn't hard was it?" He continued optimistically, tossing another four whole squares into his mouth.

"You're going to get sick if you eat that fast."

"No, I won't." Argh! Men…stupid, stubborn, arrogant bastards! I stormed out into the hall. Holden reeled me back.

"What have I done now?"

"You forgot to apologize."

"I already apologized, Liv."

"Well, it wasn't good enough, Caulfield." Holden smiled and took my face in his hands. What the hell! He leaned in…the air between us slowly diminishing as his lips came against mine. I think I blacked out for a whole two seconds before I pulled away. He stared at me, surprised and waiting to be reprimanded. I couldn't find my words…I just stood there like an idiot with my mouth open.

"Liv, I—" I sprinted up to the roof, burying my face in my hands, feeling the memory of his fingers on my cheek. What the hell is happening?

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**Tell me what you think...did jah like it? Hate it? **


	6. Crazy for You

**Sorry it took me so long to update! I was tempted to just stop this all together but my boyfriend (Holden is his name) convinced me to keep going :) Hope you like it and if you feel like leaving a review it's greatly appreciated. Have a wonderful thanksgiving!**

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I huddled in one of the corner of the red bricked parapet, a warm fog settling over the pink morning skyline. Whatever was happening, I didn't like it one goddamn bit. The door to the roof opened with a low groan as Caulfield stepped through, searching the corners for me. He sauntered forward like an awkward lost puppy. Rolling my eyes and pulling my knees against my chest, I set my face into a fishy pout.

"I didn't do it, ya know." I said.

"What're you talkin' 'bout, Liv?" Holden sat down beside me with a huff, careful not to brush against my arm or else he'd have his head torn off.

"I didn't kill that phony O'Brien." Huh, I guess Caulfield's limited vocabulary was really getting to me. "The bastard just handed me a gun—and it was beaut too! I'm tellin' ya, Caulfield. The gun O'Brien stuck right into my hands was sure a doozy. "

"I believe you, Liv."

"No, you don't," I sighed, dejectedly resting my chin on my knees. "No one believes me. They just think I'm an old kook."

"You're pretty kooky, but you aren't old, Kingsley. I know old."

"Yes. Very comforting, Caulfield. Thank you very goddamn much. I can't wait to blow this joint."

"Say! Why don't we? We could get a house in the city…just you and me."

"Now, you're being a kook, Caulfield."

"I'm serious, Liv." Holden excitedly turned his whole body towards me, his eyes sparkling.

"You're crazy."

"I'm crazy! I know! But, think about it, both of us…we could have our own life. We could bust this place. You and me, Liv."

"Why would you want to run, Holden?"

"I don't know. Maybe I just feel like it. Maybe I just want to run from all the phonies in the world."

"Okay, Holden Caulfield. We'll run." I agreed, surprising him with a quick peck on his mouth. "You should be glad that you're just so damn charming."


	7. You're Free to Leave Me

The cuffs itched like a bastard. I squirmed over the coarse sheets, trying to find a way to get the damned things off my wrists. You remember that old phony Vincent? That sonovabitch blew our cover last night. Caulfield and I almost had the window in Perkin's office open when the loony Vincent started screaming like a madman, whacking poor Holden over the head with a newspaper. I'd give Caulfield hell for that one day. It killed me., I nearly keeled over laughing last night before a hoard of male nurses and a few security guards burst in too. Holden and I went down fighting.

You know what I've noticed? Caulfield's just a big hypocrite. He talks pretty and looks suave but he's here in the loony bin too. I'll miss him. My ma and Perkins are having me transferred down to Virginia. I'm leaving tonight. I don't think I'll get to say goodbye to ol' Holden. I hope the phonies don't get him when I'm gone.

*10 years later*

New York was a huge city. I felt tiny and insignificant. My dad died in a car crash two months after I got out of the quack factory. My ma had to go and marry Perkins. Ugh, that jackass. I tried finding out where Caulfield lived but Perkins told me that that was secured information. All I knew was that he lived in New York City and that I wanted to see him. So that's why I'm here. I stop every now and again to look into the shiny glass windows or to pull at my blouse. It was Christmas time and everyone was just so damn jolly—it was like God was coming down to earth.

"Liv?" I spun around from my concentration on a pretty red dress, dumfounded to see Caulfield with a handsome dame on his arm.

"Hiya, Caulfield." I stammered with a quick wave.

"Say, Jane-girl, meet Livinia Kingsley."

"Hi, Livinia. I'm heard a lot about you." Jane smiled kindly. It was a smile I wish I had. I just frowned at her slender, gloved hand, glaring at Caulfield.

"Jane-girl, I'll meet you in the lobby." Caulfield kissed her cheek and made sure that she was gone before turning to me. His hair falling perfectly over his eyes and his hands stuffed into his pockets.

"Looks like you've got a good life for yourself, Caulfield."

"I missed you," was all he said.

"Go to her, Holden. I'm sure you'll be happy."

"Where will you go?"

"Oh," I grinned. "you know me. I'll be out and about. Just don't let me catch you with your momma's milk on your mouth, you hear?" Holden nodded, not even kissing me goodbye when I turned around and started walking.

I saw Holden Caulfield a few more times before he just couldn't take it anymore. We walked into the lake together. It was just me and him. No Jane. No Allie. Just me. And just Caulfield.


End file.
